According to Wikipedia:

Disappointment is the feeling of dissatisfaction that follows the failure of expectations to manifest. Similar to regret, it differs in that a person feeling regret focuses primarily on the personal choices that contributed to a poor outcome, while a person feeling disappointment focuses on the outcome itself.  It is a source of psychological stress.

I recently suffered both disappointment and stress after realizing a new career direction created an outcome that lead me to the decision to resign from the new position.  With over 15 years working in a strict environment of structured policy & procedures I took a position working for a start-up company experiencing the growing pains of fast-paced and head-spinning expansion with little structure and plenty of grey-areas in each working day. I don’t regret the choices I made to leave both careers – having experienced the two extremes of rigid structure to greater fluidity.  Experiencing the two extremes helped me quickly read the signs and realize my lack of being an adrenalin-junky made the job an unrealistic one for a slower-paced, detail-oriented and cautious individual like myself. There are always knowledge differences for each person – and each person brings these differences into each chosen career. Sometimes our knowledge differences work in a job environment and sometimes they don’t.

It was not my inability to use my knowledge skills and previous work experience to effectively and diligently complete the expected fast-paced and unexpected daily tasks that I was assigned, but the stress that I was recently experiencing,  due to non-work related and personal tasks assigned to me that interfered with my expected work,  made me realize I was beginning to feel disappointment when the failure of expectations began to manifest in the new career – not to mention how my own stress was creating stress for my husband at the end of each work day! (It also reminded me of a previous blog I wrote about 3 types of knowledge).

This is the knowledge of disappointment – and like any knowledge, it’s an important part of overall knowledge for social benefit. The knowledge of disappointment teaches us important lessons about expectations and making realistic choices.  The knowledge of disappointment also helps us learn the difference between academic, theoretical, speculative or notional knowledge and actual first-hand, empirical or observed knowledge as the lived-out experience of knowledge itself.

Angie Hart, Academic Director of the Community University Partnership Programme (CUPP) at the University of Brighton UK, and colleagues Elizabeth Maddison & David Wolff refer to this as Modes of Knowledge. In their book Community-University Partnerships in Practice, they refer to academic knowledge as Mode 1 knowledge. 

Mode 2 knowledge is “applied, problem-centred, transdicsiplinary, heterogeneious, hybrid, demand-driven, entrepreneurial, network-embedded” knowledge.  The book states that a person (or institution) can never move beyond the first mode of abstract knowledge for creating partnerships for social benefit without acquiring the broader, second mode of experiential knowledge.  The book also talks about further modes of knowledge to create more effective working partnerhsips – but suffice it to say…knowledge needs to be applied for social (and sometimes personal) benefit.

In short: 

You never know until you’ve tried it.

Nothing ventured – nothing gained.

No regrets – just an ongoing learning experience.

Understanding this sometimes unpleasant aspect of knowledge is also an important part of Knowledge Mobilization (KMb) – underlying the important reason for KMb – to move knowledge into action, to go beyond theorizing about knowledge in an academic setting, reading about knowledge in a peer-reviewed journal or community blog to mobilizing knowledge – turning even disappointing knowledge into action for social benefit.

I may have experienced first-hand an aspect of Mode 2 knowledge – the knowledge of disappointment – yet I can mobilize this knowledge for the benefit of others as part of the process of Knowledge Mobilization.  Ultimately, I learned another valuable lesson about myself, and by sharing this knowledge of disappointment – I hope others will benefit. For now, it looks like I’m back to being a digital researcher with more time towards being a KMb blogger.

If we can recognize that change and uncertainty are basic principles of gaining knowledge, we can face the future with the understanding that we do not know enough but can make a difference by being open to learning something new, taking chances, sharing our knowledge – and in due course create new knowledge to pass on to someone else.

Currently, I’m wondering about my future career direction in my life. I currently have a great job as Knowledge Exchange Events and Resources Planner with an amazing team in the Knowledge Exchange Unit at The Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) – but it’s a contract position, funding is coming to an end, and so is my employment. I left a long career in hospitality (over 15 years), making a big jump and decision to take a chance, make a change and face some uncertainty to take a temporary job. I left the security of a guest service career, with the full knowledge that my new job was only a three-month contract. In so doing I enabled a new, but unknown future outside the hospitality industry.

I faced change and uncertainty, yet gained new knowledge. I’m contributing my own knowledge to the job at CAMH, while also meeting and working with some great professionals as we exchange further knowledge. And I am thankful to those who gave me that chance.

A few years ago, I couldn’t kick the feeling that the former 15 year career path I was on was just an extended detour for the path I should really be on. While still working as a flight attendant, I went back to school, graduated with a B.A. in Psychology – got on the Dean’s Honour Roll – did a lot of volunteer work, increased my skills, networked with a bunch of people in knowledge mobilization (KMb), started writing this KMbeing blog, was named among the top ten knowledge mobilization influencers in Canada in 2011 and 2012 – and changed the direction of my life and my resume.

For those of you who have been long-time readers of my KMbeing blog, you’ll remember when I made my first jump out of the hospitality pond to work at Kobo, learning valuable skills as an Executive Assistant, and the difficult challenges I encountered when I had to work supporting someone (think of Meryl Streep’s character in The Devil Wears Prada) who is no longer working for Kobo (too late for me).

I loved the job and the chance to support others in this environment – and I gained some incredible knowledge (perhaps the hard way). The personality of the person I was supporting wasn’t the big problem for me. I can deal with different personality types. The problem was that this person kept expecting me to do some personal, non-work related things that interfered with what I was expected to do in the job, and because of this person’s position in the company there was little recourse. I still have friends from Kobo who recognized the situation and supported the reason I decided to leave.  I was disappointed, but, had I not taken that chance, I would not have gained that valuable knowledge to deal differently with such a challenge in the future.

I was fortunate to land on my feet and find a job working for a great hotel as a guest service agent at The King Edward Hotel – back in the hospitality industry. You have to pay the bills somehow – and hospitality is what I know, not necessarily what I wanted to do. I started getting that detour feeling again, and wondered if all of the effort I had put into moving out of hospitality had gone to waste.

Don’t get me wrong. The dedicated hotel staff and my ability to provide excellent customer service along with some sincerely caring, and hard working people (some who have since become friends) made me feel so much at home. With my love of history and writing, the King Edward Hotel was an ideal subject for another interesting blog that I started writing while working there, trying to get management to recognize some of my further skills. I tried to see about transitional opportunities within the hotel from hospitality to administration or communications; unfortunately, no opportunities presented themselves.

Then the CAMH temporary contract position came along, working back in an academic/research environment. More change and uncertainty, but I took the chance. And now more change and uncertainty, but an opportunity to gain more knowledge and contribute some of my own.

So now, I’ve started sending out my resume again, and when I don’t receive an acknowledgement of it, I don’t take it personally. I don’t think there must be something wrong with me that will prevent someone from even wanting to interview me for a position. I don’t start second-guessing myself and my valuable skills, or wonder if I made a mistake to leave the security of hospitality and guest services behind. Fortunately, I also have a connection with an employment placement agency to ease some of the insecurity.

I know, it’s the deep feeling of confidence in me and the passion I feel about my choice in wanting to change my career path that assures me – I haven’t made a mistake. I recognize that change and uncertainty are basic principles of gaining knowledge.

The paradox is that gaining knowledge takes time but gaining knowledge also happens in every second.

I really don’t know enough about a potential employer’s situation to allow myself to be negative or depressed after I’ve sent my resume off.  I don’t know if an internal candidate was chosen before all others, or if someone with more specific experience or education was chosen.  I don’t know if there was a lot of discussion about me, or if others thought I should be interviewed, or if, ultimately, the boss wanted someone else for reasons that have nothing to do with my own skills and experience. And besides, it’s a great, big world out there with plenty of other people with valued skills and knowledge. I just need to continue to have confidence and show my passion, continue to put it out there, and when given a chance – be thankful when that chance finally happens.

I don’t believe in crystal balls to see into the future. I don’t know what lies ahead in a few weeks or months from now (perhaps I’ll write about it in a future blog to let you know) – but I do know there will be more change and uncertainty. I also know that had I not jumped into taking this temporary job – and changed my career path – I would not have had this chance to gain more knowledge that will make it possible for me to accept another longer-lasting position that’s much more suited to me and for me in the future.

We must recognize that we always face change and uncertainty and that our knowledge should never be scripted, for our knowledge scripts are always altered everyday. If we can relax and let life take its course, we can get much more out of life and living, and we can be optimistic enough to know that we can gain knowledge from change and uncertainty if we take a chance. As Dale Carnegie once said…

Take a chance! All life is a chance. The person who goes farthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare.